To: the love of my life

I miss you.

...wherever you are.

...whoever you are.

My mind only knows of you in vague terms. Small characteristics that you logically would have to posses. You're a God fearing gal, who deep down feels the same pull to me as I do to you. And... that's all I know. I can guess at other things, but it's pointless. My preconceptions could only hinder or delay us being together. I'll know it's you when we meet. Simple as that.

Or, maybe not. It's completely possible that we already know each other, and we just don't know that we are for each other. Or, maybe I'll meet you later, and still not know for years that we're meant to be. The point is, at sometime or another we'll both catch on, and just know. And for now, I can't be letting my logic falsely represent you or give you characteristics you don't posses.

So in short, I'm not even sure if I've met you face to face or not. But one thing's certain. You exist.

You'd have to exist. My heart feels you. Or... doesn't feel you. Really, it's that my heart feels your absence.

When two things fit perfectly well together, you can easily see when one of them is missing. There's an imprint on the other, revealing its shape. You can't tell exactly what the other thing is, but you get a vague idea of what it must be like.

Me and you are this way. My heart feels the indent of where you should be. Your very absence proves your existence. And, if my heart has these notches that are as of yet attached to nothing, your heart (by very means of fitting in with mine), must have the exact same thing. I feel this incomplete puzzle of our souls, and long for the complete picture.

It hurts me to know that you feel my absence like I feel yours. I want to take it away, make you feel better. But I don't know how.. I don't even know who you are. How can I serve you if I don't even know your identity? But I do know we are meant for each other. And I know that my first (and for now only) way of serving you is to find you. And by finding you, ease your longing for my presence. By aiding you, my heart will be filled as well. As how it should, and will, always be.

I will find you. I hope soon, but I won't give up hope no matter how long it takes. You are my soul mate, my other half. I was created for you, and you for me. And as such, I'd do anything for you. I long for you with every breath. I go to sleep wishing you were by my side, even without knowing what that would feel like. I pray for you all the time. That God would guide and protect you until I can be there to do the same. I pray for Him to Guide us to each other fast, so that your pain may end sooner.

The hurt of my heart is a promise. It tells me you must be out there as a means to heal it. God doesn't provide a desire without a means of fulfillment. In revelation of this, I praise God for the amazing blessing that I know you'll be. In the meantime, it excites me to know you're out there. It's a beautiful thought, knowing we are being brought closer and closer to each other even as I write this. One day, hopefully soon, our heart's notches will align and fit into place. I look forward to that, and await the day with hopeful expectation. You already mean so much to me, and I look forward to growing along side you. Growing upward toward heaven, and entwining together ever the more until we become one being rather than two. Our souls are made to match step, and I want to dance with you into eternity.

God, please bring me to her.
As soon as possible.
Amen.

Lets grow old together.

That was a tremendously deep sleep... I feel like I've awaken from another lifetime. Reality; it seemed like the dream. For just a second, I was an old man full of the wisdom and character that comes from a long life lived out in full. But, just as the peace of my long lived life came upon me, it escaped my grasp. There and gone, like a shooting star across the night sky. And no easier to keep hold of at that. The me I always hoped to become, and somehow already was, fell away. In that satisfied old man's place my former yet familiar self came back into focus. And with him the all to real foolishness, fear, pride, and uncertainty. I want back the tenderness, joy, and peace of the man I was in that other lifetime. That man I desire to one day be. In part, I want sleep to return to me so that I may transform back. However, I'm reluctantly resisting. If I want to truly become him, I must
 dedicate and discipline myself in this world, rather than grasp at strings in a world that never really was to begin with.

The Deeper Truth of a Growing Plant

Biology tells us that plant life stretches upward in search of the sun and its light. It’s somewhat poetic to say the least: a definite testament to the persistence of life. The fact that plants constantly seek out a means of staying in existence is inspiring.

I think we’re missing the deeper reality though. Trees, and flowers, and blades of grass; they aren’t seeking self preservation. They are instead, in their upward stretches, grasping for God. Raised in constant worship to Him, they are unconcerned with their own life and how they might gain sustenance. Plants simply align every fiber to stretching closer to God's presence. And, in seeking after him, life is gained.

This all seems like a contradiction at first; how could they survive, if not focused on survival? But consider for a moment the manner in which they were made. All life is an outflowing of God’s love between the Father and Son. This love has gone on since the beginning of eternity. It was, and is, so unfathomably deep that God poured it out in the form of creation. And being born of God's love, all created things long to be reunited with the presence of His love. It is in this love that all life is given, because it was in this love that all life was created in the first place.

So the trees and flowers grow toward Him. These simplest forms of life have one thought, one purpose: to glorify God in his perfect and overwhelming love. In this natural worship, they get ever closer to his presence. And, by the very nature of God, who is the origin of all life, they gain life in abundance. They gain life not because they choose to, but because of how God created them. God loves His creation, and creates it to worship Him.

This is not out of a need on God's behalf. He is self sufficient and has been since the beginning of time. He gains nothing (except joy) from his creation, but creation gains everything from him. Apart from Him, creation cannot exist. And not just in an origins sense. Creation is sustained through Him and Him alone. Sure, plants need sunlight. But who told every ray of sunshine where it should land? And, plants need water and nutrients. But who created every molecule of hydrogen and oxygen, of carbon and nitrogen? Furthermore, who guided these elements to favorable locations so these plants could even access and make use of them? And, who took great care in providing Earth as a home? Who keeps the Earth and universe in constant balance to even make life possible? God of course, who gets absolutely nothing in return. It’s his abundant and limitless love (which is perfect, and as such, completely selfless), that drives everything.

So, even these mindless uncomplicated forms of basic life are constantly striving upward in testament to the provision and deep love of God. We on the other hand, are not so simple. We think, we reason, we move, we choose, we share, we experience emotion. We are altogether a much more thought out form of life, with much more love and care taken in our creation. We as humans are the life created with the most love; we have the privilege gaining life most abundantly from God because of this. And with that, we are also the creation best equipped to glorify God. We have been made, more than anything else in existence, to WORSHIP God.

There’s a big problem though:

We’re b r o k e n.

And not only that, our brokenness spreads like a disease to all of creation. In us having not acted in the way we were created to, we have severed the direct link to God not only for ourselves, but for the entire Earth. Despite all of existence aching for the presence and union of God, it gets mere shadows of the life it once had in Him. Though not entirely severed, the pipeline to God has become mutilated. Life is still obtainable, but limited. Destruction, pain, suffering, death; these have become the norm. A blade of grass still reaches out to God, but reaches out in desperation.

However…

God, out of His very love for His creation, DIED so it may be fixed of its brokenness. He stepped down into the world he created, and became man. He became the very thing that attempted to live outside His love. But, calling himself the Son, he remained perfectly in love even to his death. But, being perfect in love, death could not hold Him, and he rose again. In doing so, he created a cure for the disease. A good infection of life and love. Spreading in much the same way brokenness did before it, it began to cover the death…and suffering… and pain… and destruction. Because God knew the only hope we have is to return to Him. He, being the source of life, must be active in our lives. Otherwise, our life is lost. And we, being the origin of the disease, are also the first to be cured. And so, through us being washed clean, the rest of existence also gets washed.

Most of us don’t grasp the fact that our only shot at happiness – and even more our only shot at life – is aligning ourselves with God and accepting that he has redeemed us. Even further, the only hope for any life anywhere lies in our acceptance of Him. In his death we were mended and can once again worship him along with the rest of creation like we were always meant to. The simplest of plants have hope of restoration, and raise themselves in worship. All the rest of creation understands along with them, and does the same. We, being the highest forms of life and creation, need to take the hint: to gain any and all life we absolutely must..

Align every fiber of our being toward the Son!

The impatient aroma of sweet love songs

You know, you'll drive yourself crazy listening to all those love songs. Believe me, been there. Unless you have a means of receiving love firsthand, it's pure torture. Sure the songs are nice, but heartbreaking too when you can't have it yourself.

It's like... When you really crave cookies, so you bake some, and the kitchen starts to smell like them. So, you keep going back to the kitchen because it smells wonderful. But, because of it, the cookies seem to take forever to bake since the smell makes you want them immediately.

Then, you're liable to try to eat one too soon once actually they are done, and burn yourself. Sure, was still tasty and exactly what you were craving. But, if the tempting aroma hadn't fueled your impatience, the whole thing would have been a lot less messy and painful at the start.

Words, Words, Words...

I am a lover of words. And I truly mean that. I know a lot of people throw the word "love" out there any old time they please (and I'm just as guilty as anyone else), but I really love words. Given, you probably wouldn't know this from the get go. Upon meeting me, you'd immediately notice that I like to talk all the time. Or... At least in bursts. I tend to be quiet for a while, and then chat up a storm, and then go quiet again. But, this sporadic chatting doesn't necessarily point to anything. It goes deeper than that.

It's not so much that I like using my mouth, or that I'm self centered. I'm not going to be falsely humble here and pretend that those don't go into effect. But, it's not the main reason I like talking. I like talking because of the expression of it. Because, I see language as a form of artistic expression. And I view it no different than any other art.

I'm sure I'm all over the place here, but let me backtrack. I am, at heart, an entertainer. I live for the reactions of others. A little of that is ego, but mostly it's a deep desire to share the good I'm feeling inside with those around me. I love Skateboarding because I love the "how did he do that?!?" reaction. The moment people start getting frustrated or annoyed with me, I stop. I also like magic. Especially card tricks. I love seeing the surprise and wonder on peoples faces. The moment someone says "well that was stupid", I stop. Because, I'm not interested so much in what they think of me, as I am interested in how they feel when they're around me.

So, when I find something that gives me joy, I immediately want to share it. This is happens through any art medium that I use, of course. But there's hardly ever a canvass or a copy of photoshop immediately available when something comes to mind. And besides that, graphical art is limited. I don't mean to demerit it. I love all art immensely. It's just that most forms of art are really good at conveying a simple thought in deeper terms. My thoughts, however, rarely trend toward simplicty.

So I turn to words. Lots of words. Because The only limit to words seems to be the amount of effort you put fourth. Any hindrance of expressional flow has only to do with my own laziness or lack of talent. There is no canvass edge. So long as I am willing enough, I can completely express what's going on in my brain with total accuracy. This remains true whether these thoughts are logical or emotional (which, I tend to blur the lines of often).

Words are my medium of choice, and this blog is the canvass. I hope to create some masterpieces, but I mostly just hope to have some fun in practice and exploration. This blog will contain all sorts of random odds and ends. It will contain my most persistent thoughts, which may well be about just about anything. So, Have fun reading, and enjoy my random musings.

...and be careful.. my thoughts can really be out there.